When we put Jefferson to sleep, Debbi started crying, and she said, “I was trying to be strong for you.”
In fact, I’ve rarely seen Debbi cry during our relationship, and for the most part this week when she’s gotten weepy it’s been because I started first. But two times I have seen her cry have been back in 2005 when Roulette escaped from the car when she drove up for their weekend visit (and we spent two twilight hours hunting for her), and today when she deleted Jefferson from our Wii Fit, since seeing his avatar sitting there every time we seemed just cruel to us.
I really hate to see Debbi cry. I rarely think about the day Roulette escaped because she was so terribly upset, and I never want to see her that way again.
I think we’re going to be putting away remnants of Jeff’s life here for weeks to come, and each piece will be hard.
It’s especially hard to think that I’m going to live for decades more with only memories and photos of him.