Category: Personal

My trips back east this summer have yielded a little material return: I came back with a few neat things from Mom’s house which I wanted to document.

The first thing I shipped back was a set of Waterford crystal wine glasses. I was really worried about getting these shipped intact to California, but I gotta say that FedEx did a great job of individually wrapping them in bubble wrap, then laying them in a box of wadded brown paper, and they made it (via ground shipping!) without a scratch.

I haven’t been able to identify the pattern (though I haven’t tried that hard – it’s not like it will change my enjoyment of them), but they sure look nice. They have a nice heft to them, too.

I’m back from another trip east on family business. Like the last two I’m very glad to be home. This trip was only a week, though, and my sister Katy and her boyfriend came up for part of it, too, which made it an easier trip in many ways. This is the first time in a number of years that my whole family has been in the area at once.

I took the red-eye flight Tuesday night last week and was my usual zombie self for much of the day, although I did catch a short nap in the morning. I didn’t have anything I needed to do when I hit the ground, which was a nice change.

Our main goals for this trip were to make sure Mom had everything out of her house that she needed (or really wanted), and to sell her car, and we got both of those done. We got a lot of other stuff done as well, and feel like we can see light at the end of the tunnel. The question is when either of us will have time to go back to finish things off.

Meeting Katy’s boyfriend Andrew was neat too – he’s a lot of fun. His daughter’s a freshman in college in the area so we were able to meet her as well. A cheerful and funny guy.

After the two of them left on Sunday, I drove down to visit Debbi’s family again. Her sister Dianne was celebrating her birthday, so I joined them for dinner and pie for that. And we watched a bunch of football. Always fun to see them. This was the biggest chunk of downtime I had during the trip, although unlike my last trip not every night was spent sifting through Mom’s papers to find new things I needed to handle, so it was a little less hectic.

The weather during my visit went from warm and sunny to cold and drizzly during the course of the week. I enjoyed the rain and wished we’d gotten a little more. It turns out I missed a genuine thunderstorm back home the night before I left, which makes me sad.

The trip was a lot harder once Katy and Andrew left, as I continued cleaning the house, and spent a bunch of time with Mom making phone calls to change addresses and cancel things like her car insurance. This was additionally complicated by Monday being Columbus Day, which meant many things (especially government agencies) were closed. I didn’t get as many calls mode as I’d hoped to, but I think I got the important ones done.

I did eat a lot of good food while there, as Dad and I went out to eat most nights. Haven’t weighed myself yet since I got back, but I lost weight on each of my two previous trips, I think because I didn’t snack much. I had lunch with Mom several times, too. She’s still very happy in her new apartment, which helps make a lot of this easier. I can’t imagine what it would be like if she wasn’t happy there.

By Wednesday I was truly ready to come home. Of course now I worry about the things I didn’t get to while I was there, but that list is slowly getting smaller.

I did read two novels on this trip – almost entirely on the plane trips. The flights themselves were fine, and flying out of San Jose rather than San Francisco is definitely the way to go. Certainly it makes for more reliable departure and arrival times, as SFO often gets fogged in.

Debbi picked me up at the airport and we had a quick dinner and I did the basics of unpacking before we fell into bed.

Hopefully this will be the last trip back for a while, as the cross-country plane flights are getting to be a drag (and they’re pricy, too!).

I’m back from my trip east to take over my Mom’s financial affairs. It was a very long trip, though I got a lot done. I was constantly split between the financial affairs and helping Mom with stuff, which made for two weeks of a lot of running around.

It felt like progress was slow, but I did make progress. I applied Power of Attorney to her bank account and it cleared by early in the second week. And I worked on getting access to her investment accounts, which was straightforward for some of them and difficult for others. The variety of processes was a bit surprising to me, I’d have expected more standardization. But I did make progress on all of those. While the procedures are somewhat annoying, I appreciate them because I certainly wouldn’t want someone else to come in and fraudulently take over her accounts (or anyone else’s, such as mine!).

In hindsight I should have started on changes-of-address for her bills sooner, but I was reluctant to get them moved over to coming to me until I had the ability to write checks on her account. Once I knuckled down, though, I got the most important ones moved over. The hardest one to deal with was Comcast, which I had to handle by bringing my POA form to a service center, but I got that done on Saturday morning before I left. Unfortunately many utility companies have pretty pathetic facilities for doing these sorts of things on-line, so I spent a lot of time on the phone. The time I called places while visiting Mom was very productive, since they could talk to her right there to confirm what we were doing.

Going to the house was often hard, knowing that we’re winding things down on the place where I grew up. On the bright side, I did get to meet a couple of sons of a neighbor who’s been in the neighborhood even longer than I have. I remembered the sons from when I was a kid, and it was interesting to meet them as an adult. We probably haven’t seen each other in 25 years, but we all remembered each other pretty well.

I didn’t get many breaks, as I was running around much of every day, and was making phone calls or faxing or mailing things, or organizing Mom’s documents much of the rest of the time. I did have meals with Dad (and sometimes Mom) most days, went out for evening walks in Dad’s neighborhood, and even went down to visit Debbi’s family on Sunday of the middle weekend. But I didn’t get to see my other friends in the area, or do any reading or much else. It was busy and stressful, so much so that I went to bed late because I had trouble making myself go to bed since that meant having to get up to face a new day of stuff I didn’t want to do.

It was fun seeing Mom and Dad and Debbi’s family, but most of the rest of the trip was no fun.

But I think I got the important stuff done, though I’ll work my way through more stuff in the coming weeks. I may have to go back again this year, but hopefully that trip will be less crazy.

I flew back yesterday afternoon, watched The Avengers on the plane (it holds up pretty well, though it’s still no Captain America, nor The Dark Knight Rises), and got most of the way through a novel.

And was very, very happy to get home to Debbi.

I’m currently in Massachusetts, staying with my Dad, and taking care of business for my Mom. Literally business: I’m taking over her finances, paying her bills, and eventually getting her taxes done. Mom is still doing well, recovering from knee replacement surgery, but assessments of her indicated that someone else needed to shoulder this responsibility, and it fell to me.

So, here I am back across the country again 3 weeks after I returned from my previous trip here.

In the large, it has been reasonably successful, but it has also been very stressful for me. Monday we went to meet with an attorney to have power of attorney documents signed so I can have access to her financial accounts. Tuesday we went to her bank to apply the POA, and were partially successful: It was applied to her checking and savings accounts, but not to her IRAs, as the POA didn’t specifically call out those sorts of accounts. They might still accept it, but their legal department will review it. Today we went back to the attorney to get some other documents signed, and I got a new POA which calls out those items. (The lawyer said she’d never heard of someone questioning it in that detail before.) So tomorrow I’ll go back to the bank.

Those are the things I’d planned on doing the first half of this week, but as with the last trip, everything has taken longer than planned. So I passed the first barrier (the attorney), and sort-of passed the second barrier (the bank).

Other stuff:

I took the red-eye flight out Friday night. I managed to get a few hours of fitful sleep on the plane. On the bright side, my flight got in half an hour early rather than 2-1/2 hour late like last time. However, this meant I got to my Dad’s house by 6 am, so I grabbed some Dunkin Donuts and a muffin and hung out for 45 minutes.

We drove out to Mom’s house to collect her mail, and found a notice from the city with some other details I’d have to attend to. Plus Dad had tried to get Mom’s car inspected for the Massachusetts inspection requirements and its had failed, so since I wanted to use it while I was there I’d have to get it repaired. (Mom is not driving anymore since her surgery.) So I took it in to get it repaired, and it was a moderately expensive repair. Then I had to drive it for 50-100 miles before I could get it inspected again. I passed 100 miles today, so I’ll get it inspected again this week.

Dad and I did get out Sunday afternoon to see The Dark Knight Rises, for which I need to write a review. Short version: It’s the best of Christopher Nolan’s three Batman films, and if you liked the first one better than the second one (as I did), then you should like this one, as it’s more directly a sequel to the first one – and more thematically rewarding than the second one.

I’ve done a lot of running around with Mom, and have been running errands on her behalf: Picking up things for her cat, and other things I think she’ll need. It’s nice spending time with her, but all of these things add up in the time department, and I feel like I’m constantly running late.

But mostly I need to make phone calls and deal with people on a business basis, all things I really hate doing, and the uncertainty of when I’ll be able to use the POA just drives me crazy. No doubt it will all get worked out, but it seems like there’s a lot at stake and only a limited amount I can do. And still a lot of work to do that amount.

So it’s been an exhausting trip, and I’m only 1/4 of the way through it (assuming I don’t have to extend it).

Fortunately, I got some good news in that the notice that we picked up on Saturday turned out to be something that the city would take care of and just wanted permission to do so. So that was a big relief, as I had no idea how big a project it would be! I can honestly say that that chance encounter with the fellow who left the notice made my afternoon.

More later, assuming my head doesn’t explode from anxiety.

Since my last entry, a lot has happened.

After I came home, my sister Katy substituted for me taking care of Mom. She went to a meeting they had at the rehab center the Tuesday after I left to discuss Mom’s future. There was concern that she shouldn’t be living at home by herself – especially in the large, multi-story house she has – and so Katy spent a good chunk of the next week finding a senior living center for her to move to, and then getting her there.

Katy and I kept in touch pretty regularly during this week, and she did a fantastic job (probably a better one than I would have). She and her boyfriend brought some furniture over to Mom’s new place, then she brought Mom over this past Tuesday, and the next day brought her cat Maggie over to join her. Then on Thursday she went home, completely exhausted, I think.

My part in all this is that I’m going to be taking over responsibility for managing Mom’s finances, mainly for paying her bills. Consequently, I’m going to be flying back again next month to get a handle on all that. I imagine it will involve a lot of phone calls, driving around with Mom to (for instance) get me added to her bank account, and so on. But hopefully I can knock most or all of it out in my planned trip.

On the bright side, Mom is fully on board with all of these changes. I think her house really had become just too big for her, and she looked forward to moving somewhere new and somewhere with people around for her to see daily. The facility sounds really nice, and I look forward to seeing it. Plus, Mom’s recovery from her knee replacement surgery sounds like it’s proceeding normally, with no surprises along the way.

There are many questions we have yet to tackle, but we’re focused on getting the urgent items finished first (well, I am – Katy’s already done her part), and then we’ll think about everything else.

I wish there had been more warning about all this, but it is what it is.

I’m back home from my two-week excursion back east to help my Mom while she’s recovering from her surgery. It’s really good to be home.

It was a little sad to go, though. It seems that every time I travel I get stressed out preparing to go, and then it takes me a while to settle in, but by the time I have to leave I’ve gotten used to things there. I got used to living in Mom’s house by myself, by going to visit Mom every day, and particularly by hanging out with her cat Maggie, who had really become friendly with me by the end of this past week.

Thursday especially I went for ice cream at J.P. Licks in Newton Center (their mint chip is really yummy), and then walked around the area feeling melancholy: The place has changed a lot since I lived in the area back in high school: J.P. Licks has moved in since Brigham’s closed, there’s a book store in town now, and so forth. Bill’s Pizzeria is still there, though (and larger than ever). It’s recognizably the same place, but quite different. Sort of like me.

I got a lot done this past week, around the house. I trimmed a bunch of vines and weeds and cleared up the paths to the house. But I was especially pleased that I managed to unclog the shower drain, which has been that way for many years. I suspect it was hair clogging it up (though I wondered if it might have been an errant cat toy), and I wondered if it had desiccated enough to be fixable at last. So I poured a bottle of Drano down, and it seemed like it was a little better. So I got another bottle, and sure enough another round did the trick. The next morning I was happy to take a shower without water pooling up around my ankles. A long-vexing challenge vanquished at last!

Mom is doing well. I think she’s starting to go a little stir crazy, as she’s walking around the rehab center more, enjoying going down to the patio on her floor, and enjoying her physical therapy. We don’t yet know when she’ll be going home, though. My sister and I are trying to figure out what sort of support she’ll need when she comes home until her knee is fully healed.

But after two weeks away from my home and my own family I was happy to head back. I got out right ahead of a nasty heat wave, but the flight home was uneventful. Debbi and I were very happy to see each other, and we went over to Half Moon Bay today to spend some time together.

I’m glad I went, and I got a lot done for Mom, but it was time to come back.